I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You need a sexual gate keeper
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
