Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
