A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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