dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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