I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
