he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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