So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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