Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
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It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
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pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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