Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
