I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
