I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
