3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
