We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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