I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
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He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize