There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I did not marry a roomba.
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