3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
