Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
