I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
