dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
