he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
