The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
