Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.