There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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