Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
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I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
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i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks