So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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