I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."