I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
