Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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