Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
