He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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