New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
