im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
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