The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
