Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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