Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
