he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
