Texts From Last Night

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  (573): View more from Missouri

  i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru

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  (573): i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru http://tfl.nu/xoee
  Replies (22) Good night (940) Bad night (3557)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.

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  (571): so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice. http://tfl.nu/ogb6
  Replies (14) Good night (1853) Bad night (895)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.

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  (919): his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more. http://tfl.nu/6a2v
  Replies (15) Good night (1079) Bad night (4131)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.

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  (815): i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight. http://tfl.nu/g0lm
  Replies (47) Good night (851) Bad night (3521)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.

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  (206): I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick. http://tfl.nu/yyxj
  Replies (8) Good night (1309) Bad night (4013)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"

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  (480): You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant" http://tfl.nu/tydk
  Replies (3) Good night (2041) Bad night (898)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is

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  (703): Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is http://tfl.nu/4n15
  Replies (7) Good night (1291) Bad night (977)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.

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  (306): The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious. http://tfl.nu/pkyz
  Replies (32) Good night (1986) Bad night (634)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me

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  (770): Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me http://tfl.nu/jae3
  Replies (5) Good night (646) Bad night (1454)
• Favorite

  (772): View more from Florida

  I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away

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  (772): I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away http://tfl.nu/uyq2
  Replies (6) Good night (1009) Bad night (496)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment

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  (802): Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment http://tfl.nu/k1ie
  Replies (5) Good night (1396) Bad night (416)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.

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  (973): The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave. http://tfl.nu/0jfg
  Replies (2) Good night (501) Bad night (603)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.

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  (917): Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life. http://tfl.nu/kv1x
  Replies (11) Good night (765) Bad night (913)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.

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  (860): I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today. http://tfl.nu/vp47
  Replies (7) Good night (320) Bad night (816)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  How drunk is she?

  (1-612): View more from Minnesota

  She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her

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  (612): How drunk is she? (1-612): She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her http://tfl.nu/dk7m
  Replies (1) Good night (659) Bad night (314)

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