Only a mothe r could love this liver
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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