i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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