dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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