im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
