it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
