WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
pray to the hookup gods
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
