I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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