check it out our google latitudes are spooning
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
