if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
