Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
