honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
