Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
