i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
