I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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