Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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