why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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