make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
