I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
