If that was your dad, he is hot
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
