remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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