if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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