try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
