the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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