So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
