The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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