Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
