I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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