Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
No subtext here. People are naked.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
