Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
