So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's blow job season.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
