sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
