i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just forgot I was standing up.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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