why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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