I only kidnapped one of them. chill
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
