My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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