she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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