SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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