As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
