Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
