you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
