giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
