fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
