WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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