it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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