Don't make out with my wife yet
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
