I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
