Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
