Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
