Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
