Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
