I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I am one with the molecules
Why did my mother make you get naked?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
