Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
